Memory Loss
by Captain Nuissance
Summary: Sole Survivor Zoe navigates the radiation struck land with a profound problem - she can't remember her previous life. Sole Survivor meets companions along the way and tries to find her past in a war-torn land.
1. Chapter 1 - Sanctuary

The sudden noise of a coffee pot shattering against the floor wakes the girl up. Her eyelids open slowly against the light amidst the painful pounding in her head.

"Oh, oh! So sorry, mum! Pay no attention!"

She is awake now and groaning against the almost unbearable pain in her head. The light is painful – everything is painful. The voice is still talking ("So clumsy of me, it's as if I'm freshly out of the factory") and she wishes it would stop before the darkness surrounds her again and she passes out.

Strange dreams cloud her head. A single gunshot rings in the dark. There is a man with dark hair and a scar. A coldness creeps over her body. She is walking with a man through their house. There is a baby's crib and a massive explosion. The gunshot rings again…

It's the sunlight that wakes the girl this time. She blinks twice and clutches her hands together, the cold seeping around her as if she were still in her dream. She shudders. She tries to sit up with little success and cries out at the pain in her head.

"Oh mum, do lie down! I don't think you're quite ready to be sitting up yet."

She turns her head to examine the voice (much to the dismay of her head.) A Mister Handy is floating around the couch where she has been laying, its robotic eyes staring at her with dismay.

"Mum? Are you alright?"

She tries to speak but her tongue is like lead, "Phow….Who are you?"

"Hahaha! Good one, mum, but it seems like the most inopportune time to be making jokes," the Mister Handy swivels away and grabs a pillow, comfortably jamming it between her back and the couch, "Did all that sleeping grant you a sense of humor?"

The girl gives the Mister Handy a blank stare and looks around slowly at her surroundings. She is in a house that has been almost destroyed. Everything is seemingly very old and there are stains on the walls and floor. She notices the bookshelves have collapsed and that the kitchen counter is cracked. On the living room table there is a TV with dust on the screen that hasn't looked used in years. She continues to look around. The furniture looks out of place, but she can't remember being here before. There is something nagging at the back of her mind. The house seems vaguely familiar, but she can't remember why.

Suddenly a robotic eye is in front of her again. "Mum, are you alright?" The girl gives a startled jump.

"Where am I? Who are you?" The girl has gotten use of her tongue again, "What is this place?"

The robot's mechanical eyes widen in shock, "Miss Zoe? Are you quite alright?"

The name triggers a pain in the girl's head and she shuts her eyes. Zoe. Her name is Zoe. She opens her eyes again and stares at the robot for confirmation, "Am I Zoe?"

"Yes, of course you are Miss Zoe!" The Mister Handy floats a little closer, "Do you not remember?"

The girl goes to shake her head and then remembers the pain, "No, I don't remember anything. I have a fair idea that my name is Zoe and that I've been to this place before, but I don't remember it like this."

"Oh mum…Oh dear…" The robot seems to pace back and forth, his figure floating in midair. "Yes, your name is Zoe. I used to be your butler, Codsworth, before the explosion, and this used to be your house."

Suddenly a memory exploded in the girl's mind, "The nuclear explosion!"

"Yes, yes! You were reserved a spot in Vault 111, about a ten minute walk from here, before the nuclear explosion. You were just telling me, two days ago, how the Vault Tech people had unknowingly cryogenically frozen you two hundred years ago just after the nuclear bomb dropped. Unfortunately, a few minutes after you had begun telling me this you stepped indoors where a piece of damaged roofing fell from the ceiling and landed on your head. It knocked you out but I assumed you would be fine," The robot rearranged a blanket around her shoulders, "But it seems as if it has completely erased your memories!"

The girl, now Zoe, sat on the couch and absorbed this information. The information was unfamiliar concerning her memories but… she thought that it was true. After all, she didn't exactly have any other reliable information and a tugging in her gut believed all that Codsworth had said. There was something missing though…something that she couldn't pinpoint.

After a few minutes in silence Zoe spoke up, "Codsworth, did I live here alone? Did I travel to the vault alone?"

Codsworth turned away suddenly and busied himself with arranging the table and rug. "Hmm? Oh yes, mum, you lived quite alone. Yes, you were a single law student."

Zoe frowned. She supposed this was true but…Why had she been expecting something else? "I remember…I remember walking in this house with a man."

The robot butler froze in midair for a brief second before continuing to rearrange the furniture. "Oh yes. That would have been your boyfriend at the time, Nate. It was serious for a time being, if that's what you're remembering. But I suppose it doesn't matter now!" There was a brief edge in Codsworth's voice.

Zoe stared at the carpet again feeling that mysterious disappointment and sadness. She bit her lip slightly and tried to forget about it. "It was only serious for a short time, like Codsworth had said," she thought.

She looked down at her smooth hands, now 200 years old. She realized that she couldn't accurately remember what she looked like and asked if Codsworth could bring over a mirror.

The woman staring back at her in the mirror had long auburn hair that reached down to her mid-back and a patch of freckles that littered her face. Her brown eyes were adorned by dark brown eyebrows and a medium-pale skin tone set off by a strong nose in the center of her face. Zoe was pleased that her appearance, at least, seemed familiar. She set the mirror down and closed her eyes for the next question, "Codsworth, is anyone still alive?"

"Oh yes, mum, I imagine so! I see a few settlers arrive from time to time every 25 years or so…They talk about Diamond City not so far from here and various other settlements. Yes, I suppose people still live in this world."

She let out a breath that she hadn't known she was holding. Thank God, people still survived. She liked Codsworth, but she wasn't sure if she could stand being the only two coherent beings in the world. "I have to go there then. Now."

She tried to stand up and for a minute the ground swayed under her before steadying. "Oh mum, are you sure? It's awfully dangerous out there," Codsworth said as Zoe stooped to the ground and grabbed a backpack, "You could be killed!"

"Codsworth, I have to go," Zoe shoved a few Nuka-Colas into her backpack and grabbed the 10mm pistol that she knew was in a hidden kitchen drawer. There was a sudden conviction in her bones to go explore and find Diamond City. It was reaching a feverish pitch and she knew that she couldn't stay in this house any longer with its hidden memories. She added in some questionably preserved food and tightened the straps of her backpack, "I can't stay here forever but, don't worry, I'll come back once I see what this new world is like."

She stepped as if to go down the hallway of the house when she was suddenly cut off by Codsworth. "Oh, don't go down there mum! We've had a…pack of radroaches residing down there recently! Anyway, I can assure you there is nothing useful in those rooms. Everything is destroyed. Absolutely everything."

Zoe raised an eyebrow at Codsworth and tried to sidestep him only to be blocked again, "Now really, mum, do you want to risk radroaches before even beginning your journey?"

Zoe threw her hands up and gave up on the hallway even though that throbbing feeling of sadness and disappointment had once again reappeared in her chest. Was this a symptom of hitting her head?

She put her hand on the doorknob. "Thank you for your help Codsworth. Even if I can't remember your prior service, you were a great butler today."

"Of course, mum, of course!" Codsworth said bashfully, "Now, please do be safe and don't forget to come back!"

Zoe grinned, "I won't," and stepped out bravely into the Commonwealth.


	2. Chapter 2 - Inside Boston

Zoe stared at the pile of radioactive meat in front of her and swallowed back the impending vomit building in the back of her throat. _Come on, you have to do it,_ she thought. Dogmeat whined below the table and pawed her leg impatiently. _He_ at least wouldn't have had a trouble eating this pile of 200 year-old cram that she had found in a collapsed house. _He_ wouldn't have had trouble gulping down boxed dirty water. _He_ wouldn't have minded the texture of over-cooked Mirelurk meat that she had scavenged the day before. The dog was now tougher than her now, it seemed.

 _Ah shit,_ Zoe plugged her nose, _Here goes nothing._

Before her instincts could kick in Zoe grabbed a fistful of cram and shoved it in her mouth. Instantly she heaved but remembered to keep her mouth dutifully shut. After a few more close puke-calls she swallowed the cram and waited.

Zoe had experienced an eventful four days since leaving the comforts of Codsworth and Sanctuary. She had thought that her traveling was going to be a breeze when, on her first day, she had run into the friendly Dogmeat at the abandoned Red Rocket Truck Stop. She hadn't been too concerned when, after the second day, she still hadn't found any edible food and had only scavenged dirty drinking water. Even on the third day, when she had ate Mirelurk meat for the first time and vomited profusely later, her spirits hadn't gone down. She was going to find Diamond City eventually, right? It was only one more day. And another. And another.

By the fourth day, Zoe was desperate. She had started hallucinating in the daytime, thinking she was seeing shining cities in the distance only to realize that they were a figment of her imagination. She had finished the last of her dirty water in the morning and her empty stomach had ceased hurting which she recognized as a severe sign of hunger. She had collapsed by mid-morning, much to the panic of Dogmeat, whose alarm barks were surely heard for miles. Finally Zoe had dragged herself to an abandoned house and opened her first can of cram. She had previously been trying to avoid food which she believed to be contaminated with radiation, a dire mistake she had only just realized. _It's going to be impossible to avoid radiation in this wasteland._

She was confident now that the cram, miraculously, was going to stay in her stomach. After going through the abandoned house she found three more cans of cram, a few cans of purified water, some beans, and two cartons of dirty water. Satisfied, she started on the road once more.

Mid-morning passed, then the afternoon, and finally it was evening. She had finally found a road ( _But to where?_ ) and was looking for abandoned houses that would hopefully contain a bed. She found a medium sized house on the right side of the road. An abandoned swing set lay in its backyard. The sight caused a sudden ache in her head and the strange feeling in her chest returned. She shivered and continued toward the door.

As jammed her 10mm in the back of her pants to open the door, Dogmeat whined behind her, "What's wrong boy?"

Dogmeat whined again and paced in front of the door. _Is he hungry or something?_ "I'll give you food inside here, Dogmeat, come on."

Dogmeat wouldn't budge. She tried luring him with a piece of cram but he looked back at her with blank eyes. _Maybe he'll follow me inside_ , she thought as she opened the door.

She was greeted with the barrel of a gun.

A cold sensation creped down her spine, "Get on the _fucking_ ground!" A gruff voice screamed at her.

All she could focus on was the barrel of the gun. Its cold metallic center stared back at her. She was frozen, "I said _get on the fucking ground_!" The voice screamed again and her legs were kicked out from under her.

She hit the ground and stared at the man with the gun. A dirty face stared back adorned with black hair and a beard. His eyes were cold and black; his hand on the gun was steady. Zoe, frozen, could not stop staring at his eyes. She felt the cool barrel of the 10mm pressing into her back and she remembered only now that she had never fired it. She inched her hand to the gun and the man's gaze flicked over her arm, "Don't even try- _augh!"_ The man lurched back as Dogmeat leapt up to the man's chest, his jaws latching onto his shoulder.

The man's gun fired wildly and hit the ceiling. Zoe scrambled up and whipped the 10mm out from her pants only to witness Dogmeat tearing at the man who would have killed Zoe moments before.

"Dogmeat, move!" Zoe yelled. The dog quickly obeyed, scrambling out of the way as she advanced on the man lying on the floor.

The image was almost pitiful. The man's shoulder was almost gone, his blood soaking the wooden floor. His shirt was torn completely, the stench of gore already filling the room. He stared at the barrel of Zoe's gun, a whimper leaving his lips, "Please help me."

Zoe took a step back and lowered her gun an inch, "There's nothing I can do. You're too badly injured." She took another step backward.

The man's features suddenly twisted, abandoning the image of the pitiful man on the floor and turning into the man who would have murdered a woman in cold blood, "You bitch," he snarled. He reached for his gun.

Zoe fired.

The bullet tore through his head, his brain splattering against the wall. A moment passed in silence.

Zoe dropped the gun and sank to her knees. _I've just killed a man_ , she thought, _holy shit, holy shit, holy shit._ The sound of the gunshot reverberated through her head, bringing up the strange dreams that she had experienced of the cold place and the man. _I've just killed a man._ She sat on her knees for several minutes before shivering and slowly getting up. Dogmeat brushed affectionately against her. "I'm sorry I didn't react faster, boy," she scratched behind his ears, "I promise that won't happen again." He gave a reassuring bark. Zoe patted down the corpse and scavenged his pants and a shirt she found in a nearby dresser. She tried to avoid looking at the man's now obliterated head as she took his gun and ammo.

She thought about the cold man's eyes as she took residence on a nearby couch. She wondered if the wasteland had shaped the look in his eyes. She wondered if everyone was like that in this world.

 _If so,_ she thought, _then I am no better than them. A killer._

Even so, Zoe admitted that she wasn't quite so scared that night as the sun went down and the mysterious noises in the middle of the night didn't cause her to jump quite too high.

 _Maybe I'm adapting to this wasteland after all,_ she thought dreamily as she welcomed sleep and dreams of cities made from diamonds.


	3. Chapter 3 - Insurance

Zoe slammed her fist against the stadium wall, "Damnit I've been traveling for a week! You must have at least five square feet to spare in that massive stadium."

"Ma'am, we're at maximum capacity. There's nothing that I can do." The voice on the other end of the intercom sounded disgruntled.

"There has to be something you can do. Look, I'll clean the toilets. I'll clean the stadium seats. I'll do _anything._ "

"Maximum. Capacity." The intercom voice sounded final.

Zoe shut her eyes and leaned her head against the stadium wall. After five days of traveling the wasteland countryside, she had finally passed through the city limits of former Boston. In the ruined skyscrapers and ancient gas stations that piled the old city she expected to find a tribe of surviving people welcoming her with open arms into a city filled with sprawling farms and makeshift houses.

Instead she found Hell.

Two minutes after entering the city she miraculously stumbled across an _entire_ band of armored humans wielding makeshift weapons and armor, narrowly dodging a bullet aimed at her skull in the process. This spawned a twenty minute chase around the city where she ran across two groups of seemingly giant green monsters, another gang of humans, and a pack of feral dogs. She outran the people and green monsters and had to finally dive into a lake to avoid the pack of feral dogs, one of which had taken a good chunk out of her arm before Dogmeat swiftly ripped its throat out.

Exhausted and sick with the beginnings of what she was suspected was radiation poisoning, she had spent the night huddled in the top floor of a house with Dogmeat at her side, jumping at every sudden flurry of gunshots (which she found out, happens every fifteen minutes) and shivering uncontrollably until, finally, the sun rose the next morning. Sleep-deprived, sick, and hungry Zoe had finally found the giant stadium in the center of the city.

And now, after this entire _shit-infested_ journey, they weren't going to let her in. She would be damned if she let that happen.

Zoe gritted her teeth and leaned in close to the microphone, "Listen here motherfucker, I've been traveling for _days_ without food and clean water. I've been shot at, kicked to the ground, maimed, and splattered with blood. Three days ago I looked a man in the eyes as I shot him in the head and didn't even blink. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I have fucking _radiation poisoning_ after jumping into a lake to avoid a pack of dogs. I've been through Hell, I'm alone, and frankly, I have nothing to lose. So I suggest you let me in before I befriend a group of raiders and tear down this gate with my bare hands."

There was silence at the other end of the microphone before a voice said, "Okay, I can't let you in tonight but there's a chance that maybe I can squeeze you in tomorrow."

"Maybe isn't going to cut it," she said, "I need a guarantee."

"Okay okay you have a spot tomorrow on my word," the voice paused, "I suggest that you stay in Goodneighbor tonight, that's a settlement around the corner from here, and get some supplies. Also, stop by their doctor they'll get you treated for radiation poisoning." The voice then proceeded to give her directions to Goodneighbor.

Zoe turned away from the stadium, pleased that tomorrow she would get to enter the infamous Diamond City. She had traveled all this way and was curious to see a settlement of the new world. But first she would see Goodneighbor. She tugged the straps on her backpack and chugged some dirty water as she watched the sun slowly begin to set. Dogmeat whined beside her. She knew that traveling at night was akin to suicide in this city which was why she planned to get there before the sun set. By running. Her experience on her college cross country had given her the stamina to run miles without feeling faint and she was pleased to see that her endurance hadn't weakened during the time in cryostasis.

She laced her boots and looked at Dogmeat, "Ready boy?"

* * *

The door to Goodneighbor shut with a resounding thud as darkness descended on Boston. Zoe took a deep breath and leaned forward with her hands on her knees. _I barely outran them_ , she thought, _This radiation is really taking its toll on me._ She was now adorned with a bullet wound in her arm and leg and a nasty burn on her left arm from a Molotov cocktail courtesy of a raider group.

Her wounds seemed to hurt less as she looked up. After a week of traveling alone and 200 years in an underground vault Zoe saw human beings that weren't pointing a gun at her. The relief was unbelievable and she felt tears coming to her eyes as she sank to her knees. In front of her was a gun store and trader store with only ten people but Zoe had never in her life felt so relieved. Dogmeat seemed more relieved as well as he let out a little happy bark.

"Hold up there. First time in Goodneighbor? Can't go around walking without insurance."

Zoe looked up to see a bald man lighting a cigarette with a stained leather jacket staring at her. His voice startled her, "Insurance?"

He puffed on his cigarette, "Yeah, insurance, I think you're going to like what I have to offer."

Zoe didn't like the mean twinkle in his eye. She had met numerous con artists in her life and could spot them easily, "I'm not interested."

"Oh come on, don't be like that. You hand over everything in those pockets or accidents start happening to you. Big, bloody accidents."

Zoe stood up and put her hand on her gun, "I don't like your tone, asshole. I said I'm not interested. Back off."

The man scrunched up his eyebrows and was starting to move his hand to his jacket pocket when a voice rang out, "Woah, whoa there. Time out."

Zoe spun around to see a man walking over. Or, what she thought was a man with horribly disfigured skin, a red trench coat, and an American flag tied around his waist. With his shoulders back and a confidence in his step, she instantly recognized that this was the real boss, "Someone steps through the gate the first time, they're a guest. You lay off that extortion crap."

The extortionist growled and faced him, "What do you care? She ain't one of us."

The disfigured man tilted his head slightly and examined the extortionist, "No love for your mayor, Finn? I said let her go." His tone left no room for argument.

"You're soft, Hancock. You keep letting outsiders walk all over us, one day there'll be a new mayor."

The man, Hancock, slowly started walking toward Finn. "Come on, man. This is me we're talking about. Let me show you something."

Hancock reached his arm out as if to embrace Finn and, faster than Zoe could process, had drawn a knife and shoved it twice into the man's chest. Zoe let out a startled gasp and bit her lip as Finn moaned and fell to the ground.

"Now why'd you have to go and say that, huh? Breaking my heart over here," the mayor finally turned to face Zoe, "You alright, sister?"

Still in shock, Zoe's gaze moved from Finn's corpse and onto Hancock's face. She blurted out the first thing that she thought of, "Your face! What happened to it?"

Before she could apologize for her outburst, the mayor let out a slow chuckle, "Like it? I think it gives me a sexy, king of the zombies kinda look. It's a big hit with the ladies." He gave her a look that could make her blush and then continued, "I'm a Ghoul, you see? There are a lot of walking rad freaks like me around here, so you might want to keep those kinds of questions on the low burner next time. Goodneighbor is of the people, for the people, you feel me? Everyone's welcome."

Even though she was still in shock at the violent stabbing that she had just witnessed, Zoe could tell that she liked this Ghoul (even if she wasn't exactly sure what a Ghoul was.) "I'm sorry I asked. Really, I don't pass judgement," she looked him in the eye, "By the people and for the people, right?"

Hancock laughed again, "He he he. I can tell I'm gonna like you already. Just consider this town your home away from home. So long as you remember who's in charge." He glanced down at Finn's corpse then looked Zoe in the eye before turning and walking away.

"Mayor Hancock!" She blurted out.

"Yeah, what can I do for our newcomer?"

Zoe fidgeted in her boots. "Where can I stay for tonight?"

Hancock sized up her backpack and dog, "There's Hotel Rexford around the corner. They have fairly good rooms but I would stay away from the second floor, it's where the junkies and prostitutes go. Of course, that's where the real fun is though," he winked and threw something at her, a bag of bottle caps, "Use this to buy yourself a room and don't forget to stop by my office sometime. I'll be expecting you."


	4. Chapter 4 - VIP Access

Zoe threw herself onto the hotel bed with a sigh of relief. She didn't know how long it had been since she lad laid on a real bed. Dogmeat jumped into her bed too, making a loud thump and letting out a big yawn. "You're lucky you're in here you know," she said to Dogmeat, "The lady up front almost didn't let you in." Dogmeat grunted in reply.

Zoe had spent the last few hours walking around Goodneighbor and reveling in the presence of people. She had stopped by the trader shop and was surprised to find that some of the useless junk she had gathered traveling to Boston was actually worth something. The owner, Daisy, went practically ballistic when Zoe pulled out a desk fan from her backpack, "Wow, you even got a working one and everything! We could really use these gears and screws." All in all she had left the store with her backpack significantly lighter and 300 bottlecaps, the current method of currency in Boston. _Or the Commonwealth, as they call it now._

She had taken the intercom's advice and stopped by the local doctor who let out a yelp when he saw Zoe walk in, "You've taken so much radiation, I'm surprised you're still standing. What have you been eating?"

She described her diet over the past week which included Mirelurk meat and assorted food that she had found in abandoned houses. The doctor slowly shook his head, "No, no, no. All the food you have been describing to me is riddled with radiation. There are other foods you can eat that are not as contaminated. Also, avoid any water that isn't purified. That includes if you decide to go on a midnight swim." He gave Zoe a look and she blushed.

The doctor gave Zoe a few packets of RadAway for free (she suspected out of pity) and after ingesting it she felt much better. He also gave her some bottles of RadX to slow radiation poisoning and sent her on her way.

And now she was here. Zoe surprised herself and found that she was actually bored. She listened to the sounds in the hotel, the occasional yell and thump of a headboard. She wished she had a book. Since a child and up to her most recent memory, she had been an extremely avid reader. Her college dorm had been filled to the brim with books and she remembered someone who would always buy her books, the man with the black hair. Nate.

Immediately when she spoke the name her brain throbbed and she cried out in pain. _I have the distinct feeling that I'm missing something,_ she thought, _Something important._

 _I need a drink._

She swung her legs over the bed and pulled out the flannel shirt and jeans she had found abandoned in the wardrobe in her room. She knew she should have turned them in but…They were obviously forgotten right? _It's not stealing._ She threw her auburn hair over her shoulder and made a mental note to cut it soon.

"Dogmeat, stay." The dog perked up his ears, "I'll be back soon."

She exited the hotel and wandered in the direction of The Third Rail, the bar she had seen on her way to Hotel Rexford. She usually wasn't fond of alcohol but she felt like this was a special condition. In the back of her mind she wondered if she would meet Hancock in the bar. He seemed like the type of person who would frequent places like that. The thought gave her mixed feelings. She liked Hancock's ideals but his swift tendency to violence put her on edge and made her wonder if Hancock was unreliable.

Inside the Third Rail, Zoe was greeted by a Ghoul in a clean black suit paired with a fedora. He glanced swiftly at Zoe, "Are you Zoe, staying at Hotel Rexford? Hancock says newcomers are always welcome in the Third Rail. Go on in."

 _And Hancock pops up again…_

She walked down an abandoned subway tunnel and realized that _this_ was the bar. The abandoned subway station had been decked out with a lights, radios, TVs, and even a singing woman wearing a shimmering red dress.

Zoe gave a startled jump when she saw a Mr. Handy robot making drinks behind the bar. "Codsworth?"

The Mr. Handy swiveled around, "Oi. We got beer. And if you ain't buyin' beer, you ain't buyin'."

Zoe realized that this wasn't Codsworth, just another Mr. Handy floating around the Commonwealth. Disappointment washed over her and she realized that she missed the robot that had to kindly tended to her. She sat on a bar stool, "I'll take a beer please."

She coughed up 10 bottlecaps and took a sip of the beer placed in front of her. The minute the liquid touched her lips, Zoe had to resist the urge to vomit. She had never been a huge fan of beer before but this stuff was disgusting. It was warm, she realized, and _way_ too bitter to be enjoyable. She waited until the Mr. Handy bartender turned around and chucked the beer bottle into the trashcan. Disgusted, Zoe got up from the barstool and wandered around the bar to a room with a giant VIP sign over the entrance. Almost immediately she heard voices.

Two men rough men were standing in the room facing another man sitting in a red velvet chair. The two men, Zoe noticed, had dirt on their clothing and were quite obviously packing heat from the numerous bulges in their jackets.

The man in the chair spoke as the two men entered, "Should we take this outside?"

"Can't say I'm surprised to find you in a dump like this, MacCready," said the man in the green jacket and Mohawk.

Zoe quietly stood in the doorway, out of sight from the two thugs.

"I was wondering how long it would take your bloodhounds to track me down, Winlock," the man in the chair said bitterly. He wore a string of ammo around his chest, a long coat, boots, and a hat. A long rifle lay on the side of his chair, "It's been almost three months…don't tell me you're getting rusty. Should we take this outside?"

"It ain't like that. I'm just here to deliver a message."

The man in the chair stood up, "In case you forgot, I left the Gunners for good."

"Yeah, I heard," the man named Winlock said, "But you're still taking jobs in the Commonwealth. That isn't going to work for us."

"I don't take orders from you…not anymore. So why don't you take your girlfriend and walk out of here while you still can." The man's finger twitched toward his rifle.

Winlock narrowed his eyes, "Listen up. MacCready. The only reason we haven't filled your body full of bullets is that we don't want a war with Goodneighbor. See, we respect other people's boundaries…we know how to play the game. It's something you never learned."

"Glad to have disappointed you," MacCready shot back.

Winlock chuckled, "You can play the tough guy all you want. But if we hear you're still operating inside Gunner territory, all bets are off. You got that?"

MacCready gritted his teeth, "You finished?"

"Yeah, we're finished," Winlock turned to the door, "Come on, Barnes."

Zoe stood in the doorway as Barnes and Winlock passed her. Winlock caught her eye, "What the hell are you lookin' at?" and walked out of the room.

MacCready noticed her standing by the door, "Look, lady. If you're preaching about the Atom, or looking for a friend, you've got the wrong guy. If you need a hired gun…then maybe we can talk." He flopped back down in the velvet chair.

Zoe sized him up. The man had a slight build and, judging by his rifle, he was a marksman. His brown eyes were tired but alert, suggesting that this guy was always on edge. She had been considering a companion recently; obviously she needed to know the ins-and-outs of the Commonwealth in order to survive. Plus it would be handy to have someone watching her back, "Maybe. Tell me who those guys were first."

MacCready raised his eyebrow, "Asking questions already? Alright, those were a couple of morons looking to climb the ladder of success by stepping on everyone else on the way up. You shouldn't be surprised though, that's how it goes when you run with the Gunners."

Zoe sat down on the opposite couch, "Who exactly are the Gunners?"

"They're one of the biggest gangs in the Commonwealth. Got a rep for being crazy…you know, so tightly wound you'd think they were a cult or something. Stuck with them for a while cause the money was good, but I never fit in. That's why I made a clean break and started flying solo." MacCready looked up at her, "Now what about you? How do I know I won't end up with a bullet in my back?"

"You won't," she held MacCready's gaze and felt a slight shiver roll down her spine, "That's part of the risk, right?"

MacCready turned up the corners of his mouth slightly in a pleased smile, "I can't argue with that." He leaned back, "I'll tell you what. Price is 250 caps…up front. And there's no room for bargaining. What do you say?"

Zoe mentally went through her supply of caps and knew that she definitely did not comfortably have 250 caps to spend. Max, she had 280 in total and she still needed to buy more supplies, "Would you do 200?"

"You drive a hard bargain, but you just bought yourself an extra gun," MacCready stood up and offered his hand, "All right boss…let's get out of here."


	5. Chapter 5 - Travel Buddies

Zoe peeked around the corner of the building, "Two super mutants and a hound." She crouched back behind the building and unhooked the pistol from her thigh. "I suspect there's another super mutant upstairs as well."

MacCready glanced swiftly around the corner, "How do you guess that?"

"There are bloody footprints leading up the stairs. And, although there are multiple tracks, it's the same size footprint. That means that the super mutant is pacing." She pointed to the staircase.

"Hmm…I wouldn't have thought of that," MacCready glanced at her, "Ready to get this show on the road?"

In response Zoe shot out from behind the wall and shot the smaller super mutant in the leg.

The super mutant roared in response and whipped around, "WHO DID THAT."

Zoe advanced closer to the super mutant and dodged his fists while firing off bullets at his chest. She danced around, faster and faster, while the super mutant roared in rage and spun around, "HUMAN STOP MOVING."

She heard the gunshot from MacCready's rifle and watched the second super mutant fall dead in the corner of her vision. He had a gunshot wound right between the eyes. _It's MacCready's calling card,_ she thought.

With the second super mutant dead, she wasted no time in aiming five select bullets straight at the super mutant's head. Zoe had to leap out of the way of the falling corpse.

"Fu-freaking mutant dog!" MacCready fell to the side as the man tried to fend off the attacks from a raging super hound. "A little help, boss!"

The hound was weak enough from MacCready's rifle that all it took was a whack on the head from the butt of Zoe's gun to kill the beast.

MacCready lay flustered on the ground, his hat knocked to the side, "Stupid dog."

"You know, that hat is really becoming a hazard," Zoe laughed, "If it keeps getting knocked into your vision it will become your death sentence faster than a fashion disaster."

"Oh yeah? And you're one to talk, with that mane of red hair that you always have to tie up," MacCready got to his feet but Zoe noticed that he tucked his hat into the pocket of his jacket instead of his head, "That never gets in the way?"

"Nope, never," she turned to a hidden door at the end of the room, "Fashion statements aside, I think this is it."

MacCready grumbled something unintelligible and patted his bare hair into place, "Finally, to think we spent a whole day clearing this library of super mutants for a single book."

"Not just _a_ single book," she said, her words slightly slurred from the bobby pins that she held in her mouth as she picked the lock, "A _collection_ of classic books. It's ten or twenty of my favorite old books in perfect condition."

"So…?"

"So," Zoe said frustratingly as her bobby pin broke, "I've been looking for books in the Commonwealth for weeks. No vendors seem to carry them and no one seems to have them. I've been _dying_ without a good book to read. Besides, it helps me with my insomnia."

The doorknob finally clicked open and MacCready smirked, "That's the nerdiest thing I've ever heard anyone say." But his words were drowned out upon the opening of the room. Zoe let out a squeal of delight as she saw a collection of ten books perfectly preserved. She ran suddenly into the room as MacCready shouted, "Zoe, wait!"

She tripped the wire at the bottom of the doorframe.

Time seemed to move in slow motion for MacCready. Suddenly he was grabbing Zoe's arm and pulling her behind a wall, the next he was shielding her from a deafening blast that shook the whole building. Time sped up as debris rained from the ceiling and another explosion went off. He wrapped his arms around Zoe as he felt something smack into his back.

Then, silence.

Zoe raised her head slowly and looked around the room. The explosion that had certainly destroyed her books had also taken down half of the ceiling with it. Debris now lined the floor and torn pages were scattered throughout the hallway. She was aware of MacCready's arms around her for a second before he abruptly let go and spun her around.

"What the fu-freak were you thinking?!" MacCready's hands still rested on her arms and his nails dug slightly into them, "You almost just killed us for a pair of books!"

Zoe looked into MacCready's eyes as if she were in a daze, "I didn't think…I just got so excited…"

MacCready let out a noise of disgust and let go of her arms, "Yeah, well, you're lucky that your excitement didn't kill us both."

"You shielded me though, MacCready…"

MacCready snorted and stood up, "Yeah, I shielded the girl that almost killed me for a book. Good thinking on my part."

" _Books_ , plural," Zoe emphasized as she picked her way out of the building, "And besides, you did save me. That makes me in your debt, I guess."

"You don't owe me anything; I was just doing what you paid me to do."

"Regardless…Thank you MacCready, truly," Zoe turned around and locked eyes with him.

A sudden flush crept into his neck and he gripped his rifle harder impulsively, "Like I said, it's my job. Don't mention it."

Zoe smirked and headed back toward the direction of Diamond City but MacCready admitted silently to himself that maybe he was glad he had saved a particular reckless nerd from herself that day.

* * *

"Why do you like to read so much anyway?"

Zoe glanced at MacCready briefly, surprised by the question, before answering, "Reading had always been my savior when I was a kid. I had a broken home and reading seemed to be my only escape from reality. As I started getting older, I started reading more. I guess reading made me feel safe. For a brief bit of time, you're allowed to escape from your reality and live in a different one."

MacCready fell silent like this and they continued walking towards Diamond City. The morning sun was hot on their backs and the wasteland seemed to radiate heat waves from the dust. "Broken home..?"

"My parents divorced shortly after I was born, custody visits, the whole shebang. They argued constantly, all the time, about everything imaginable. It was hell for me. This was before the war of course."

MacCready's eyes almost bugged out of his head, "What do you mean, before the war?"

Zoe briefly tried to explain all that Codsworth had told her that day in Sanctuary weeks ago about Vault 111, "I don't remember it though. Shortly after arriving at my old house I got hit on the head by an old piece of ceiling. I don't remember anything now."

"That's…incredible. But you really don't remember anything? Not at all?"

"Well I remember up until about three years before the explosion, so most of my memories are intact except for the most recent ones. I don't remember the panic before the explosion or the vault at all. Maybe it's a blessing this way. Anyway, what about your early life? What was kid MacCready like?"

MacCready gave a short laugh like he was reveling in an inside joke and was opening his mouth to answer as the stadium suddenly came into view in front of them. "Oh, there she is. Diamond City."

 _I wonder what he was going to tell me,_ Zoe thought as she walked toward the intercom. Surprised, she found someone else already there.

"What do you mean you can't open the gate? Stop playing around, Danny! I'm standing out in the open here, for crying out loud!"

"I got orders not to let you in, Ms. Piper. I'm sorry. I'm just doing my job," the intercom replied.

The woman standing in front of the intercom growled and raised her voice, "'Just doing your job?' Protecting Diamond City means keeping me out, is that it? 'Oh look, it's the scary reporter!' Boo!"

"Uh, excuse me," Zoe said. The woman spun around at this, her red trench coat flying behind her, "But I have a space reserved for today."

"Oh yes ma'am, are you the lady from yesterday? We'll open the gates for you right away but Piper here has to stay out."

"I'm sure we can come to an agreement," Zoe tried to put on her most charming voice, "If you're letting me in, you might as well let her in too."

"But my orders say…"

"Look, Danny, I have some favorable items that I'm looking to trade so, believe me, Diamond City would _greatly_ benefit from my arrival but I won't come in without this woman." MacCready snorted at this obvious lie but Zoe shushed him with a look.

The intercom was silent for a moment. The woman, Piper, seemed too afraid to say anything. MacCready stood back with his arms crossed and eyebrow raised.

"Fine, but make it quick," the intercom replied stiffly, "My boss won't be happy about this."

The gate rose slowly, revealing the entrance to Diamond City.

"Thank you so much," Piper said, "I don't know if they would have actually kept me out or not but…It means a lot that you helped me inside. So who are you and your friend?"

"I'm Zoe and this is MacCready," she said, "We're curious about Diamond City."

"Oh, newcomers! Be sure to stop by my office sometime and I can give you a tour around the place," the entrance was now fully revealed and Piper had her eyes glued to a man standing by the entrance, "If you'll excuse me…I'm about to be chewed out."


	6. Chapter 6 - Nightmares

_I added in an extra in-between chapter to address some of the engagements between Zoe and MacCready, but don't worry, the main story will continue next chapter. Some of MacCready's dialogue is from in-game, some isn't. Enjoy :)_

* * *

 _There's an endless cold in her bones and the bitter taste of metal in her mouth as she wakes up. Her brain is processing slowly and a dull pain throbs in the back of her head. The pale blue vault suit contrasts greatly with the steel chamber._

 _A single gunshot rings out._

 _There is someone in a hazmat suit._

 _A baby._

 _A dead man lies in a chamber. There is blood oozing from his head. Nate._

 _A man with a scar peers into the glass. He stares into her eyes as the coldness creeps over Zoe once more._

 _She screams._

* * *

Zoe sits upright in her bed. She squeezes her eyes shut and opens them again. Her night shirt is sticking to her body with sweat.

 _What the hell was that?_

She has been having these nightmares lately; tiny flashes of incoherent scenes but never in this much detail. A feeling of familiar despair sinks in her gut. She was sure it wasn't real. It was just a dream. _Right?_

"Are you awake?"

Zoe jumps at the voice and instinctively reaches for her 10mm gun before she recognizes the voice as MacCready's. His head pops over the foot of the twin bed, from the refuge that he's taken on the floor.

"Yeah…Nightmare. Sorry if I woke you," she whispers.

He doesn't answer but instead silently rises from his sleeping bag. Zoe notices that he's lost the hitman jacket and instead donned a simple fitted white shirt and black cargo pants for sleep. She blushes quickly.

The hotel room that they've rented in Diamond City is sparse and MacCready heads over to one of the only furnished spots in the whole room. He grabs a can of purified water from the desk and turns to her, "I always like a can of water after a particularly bad nightmare."

Zoe feels a surge of gratitude toward MacCready who has warmed to her during the past few weeks, "Thank you," Zoe says as she takes the can of water, "I really am sorry if I woke you up."

He snorts. "It's not as if I was getting any sleep on this floor anyways." He's silent for a moment as she sips at the water, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Zoe looks up at him briefly and takes in the tousled hair and stubble that has lined his jaw, his lean arms and mouth that can turn so quickly into a smile. It's true that MacCready had saved her life many times in these past few weeks, and vice versa, but she never imagined that MacCready would be comforting her in the midst of a nightmare. His deep cynicism and almost-brutal resilience made her think that she would never impress him, but she had to admit that she had caught his gaze more than a few times. She could keep telling herself that it meant nothing, that they were no more than partners, but she knew that it wasn't true.

Zoe blinks and snaps herself out of her daydream, "I've been having a reoccurring dream about the cryogenic vault that I think I was stored in Vault 111. I have dreams about being surrounded by cold and waking up," she pauses and considers not telling him the next part, then continues, "But I also dream of a man who is shot in the head as I watch. I dream about a man with a scar who kills him and then steals a baby. Then I wake up."

MacCready says nothing and watches her with calm eyes as if imploring her to go on.

"And the worst part is," her voice catches, "I feel _devastated_ when I see him die every night. I feel as if I will die from the pain of it. And it's not even real, or even if it is real, I don't know who he is. So it's all useless, all these nightmares and this feeling of despair, because I can't remember anything. Some things will trigger random flashbacks but they don't make any sense and every day I'm left with a false wondering about my memories and I feel as if I'm missing somethi-"

At this, Zoe's voice hitches at a rising sob and she notices with surprise that her cheeks are wet with silent tears. Mortified, she quickly moves to wipe them away but a hand stops her, MacCready's hand she realizes, and she resigns to her sobs.

She doesn't know how long this goes on for, MacCready grasping her hand while she lets out silent sobs, but it feels like hours. She cannot stop thinking about the scene, over and over again, and each time she imagines it she feels the pain as if it is the first time.

Eventually MacCready stands and, with a tug on her hand, brings her to his chest. Her surprise is gone when MacCready gently winds his arms around her, holding her, and her crying gently subsides. She presses her face into his shoulder and breaths. MacCready gently places his face in her hair. They are silent for a while, MacCready stroking her hair. Zoe is surprised when she hears his voice, "I haven't been able to rely on anyone since I was a kid. Everyone I met before you has either tried to rip me off or plant a knife in my back," he whispers softly, "But you, Zoe, you're different. We see eye-to-eye on almost everything. I know I tend to be arrogant and come off like I want to be alone. But nothing could be further from the truth, Zoe, being alone scares the heck out of me. Since I've been traveling with you, I've realized how much I missed having someone I could depend on. And I'm going to make sure it stays this way."

Zoe looks up to find MacCready looking down at her with softness that she didn't know he possessed. His hand slowly moves to her face and strokes her cheek once. She freezes and looks up at him, thinking that they are going to kiss before MacCready gently pulls away and steps back.

"Let's try to get some sleep, Zoe," he whispers quietly as he climbs back into his sleeping bag. Zoe slides under her covers as if in a daze and falls asleep quickly, comforted by the smell of him still in her head.

When she wakes up the next morning, she can't help but wonder if it was all a dream.


	7. Chapter 7 - Valentine Detective Agency

_We're getting to the really exciting stuff! Some MacCready fluff which is needed for the next chapter...Does not follow MacCready canon exactly. Some profanity. Enjoy :)_

* * *

A single bead of sweat ran down Zoe's temple.

MacCready nudged her, his back pressed against the warehouse wall. He tilted his head toward the closed steel door that Zoe and MacCready had surrounded.

"We goin' in?" He mouthed.

Zoe nodded and wiped her forehead on her flannel sleeve. She had grabbed it off a Gunner earlier in the day. Her forehead gave one last resounding pound before calming. _I've had this pounding headache ever since this case started,_ she thought. She gritted her teeth against the pain as MacCready swung the door open.

* * *

"Hey, what's that?"

MacCready glanced up from the bowl of noodles that he cradled against his chest. Takahashi spun around, "Nan-ni shimasu-ka?"

"No more noodles Takahashi, for the love of God," MacCready said, a noodle slipping from the end of his mouth, "What did you say, Zoe?"

"I asked what that was." Zoe pointed a finger toward the neon red sign with the word's 'Valentine Detective Agency' with a heart pierced by an arrow, "A dating service perhaps?"

"Hah, yeah, Valentine wishes," MacCready finished his noodles and leaned back in the stool, "No, but really, that's Valentine's private detective agency."

"Think we could find work there?" She asked. These last few weeks had been eating away at their caps and she wanted a distraction from her dreams lately. _They've only been getting worse._

MacCready raised his eyebrows, "Worth a try, isn't it?"

A few minutes later, Zoe and MacCready stood in the middle of Valentine's Detective Agency.

"What can I do for you?" Valentine asked, a lit cigarette slipping from the end of his synthetic mouth.

Zoe tried not to stare. She averted her eyes, thankful that MacCready had explained synthetic robots, 'synths', before she had entered his office. She could feel his yellow eyes on hers and held back the shiver that threatened to creep up her spine, "We're new to the area and looking for some work."

Valentine leaned against the counter in his office, his eyes never leaving Zoe's, "Yeah, I have some cases that I could use some help on," he paused, "Ask my secretary, Ellie, for the case files."

Zoe searched the room as MacCready looked over the possible case files. She ran her fingers across the files cabinet labeled "Missing Persons." Her fingers lingered over the cabinet, _Why does this mean something to me?_ Her head gave an unexpected throb and she clenched her fist.

"You okay, kid?" The detective asked. Zoe realized that his eyes had never left her after their conversation.

"Yeah I'm…It's just a headache." Zoe tried to smile but she realized that the corners of her mouth didn't come up completely. She hadn't smiled a lot recently, not since the nightmares started. And the headaches. _These fucking headaches._ The image of the man being shot flashed before her eyes briefly before slipping away.

"Hmm…Looks like a pretty tough headache," Valentine noticed her hand, "Got an interest in Missing Persons? Now, I have an intuition about these things but tell me if I'm wrong: Are you here on completely business reasons?"

Zoe straightened her back and looked carefully at Valentine. _How did he know?_ She realized that when she had seen the glowing neon sign at first her thoughts had been entirely on the man in the Vault and not on finding work. A flush crept into her face. _What have I got to lose?_

"You're going to think that I'm crazy."

Valentine's yellow eyes steadied on hers, "Try me."

Zoe parted her lips to answer, finally, when suddenly Macready's voice rang out, "I've found a case, boss!" He stepped toward Zoe and Valentine, the smile slowly leaving his face as he noticed the atmosphere around them, "Am I interrupting something?"

"No," Zoe said, tearing her eyes regretfully away from Valentine, "What have you got?"

"Missing kid used for ransom on a farming settlement. All signs point to a local Raider group," MacCready looked over at Valentine, his eyes now containing more suspicion, "Got anything else to add on this case before we leave?"

Valentine shook his head slowly and slipped into his overcoat, "Nothing more than what is in the file. Pretty straightforward case, probably came in no later than this morning."

MacCready shook on his brown coat and held the door open, "Zoe?"

Zoe stood in the threshold of the detective office, looking at Valentine. An abyss of unsaid words hung between them. Almost ironic, her head pounded once more. "When we get back, I have a case for you. It's personal."

Valentine grinned, his cigarette rising with his lips, "I can't wait."

* * *

"Alright, hold it right fucking there."

The Raider stood alone on the top of a platform fifty feet away. In his left arm, he pinned a terrified child to his chest. In his right, the barrel of a gun pointed straight at Zoe.

"One move, and I paint the wall with this kid's brains."

Zoe looked at MacCready who was down on one knee, his rifle balanced expertly on his shoulder. His eye looked steadily through the scope, his finger ready at the trigger. Zoe knew that the signal for a clear shot. He wasn't giving it.

"Give it up, your entire gang is dead. We have reinforcements surrounding the building. Let the kid go and we'll let you walk out of here, alive," Zoe said as her finger twitched toward her gun.

"Hah! Reinforcements? Think I'm stupid or something? If you had other people with you, they would have been in here already. As for my gang, I didn't give a shit about them anyway and now I won't even have to split the caps I'm about to get for this kid's head," the Raider used his gloved hand to smooth back the blonde hair on the boy's forehead and he took a step backward. His black eyes searched for an exit.

The child whimpered, too terrified to speak. He looked dirty and scared but not harmed. A wave of relief washed over Zoe along with another twinge of her headache. _Again?_ "Last chance, put the gun down and let the child go."

Zoe took a step forward and the Raider swung the gun to the kid's temple. Zoe's heart leapt up to her chest as she saw the child's eyes widen.

A gunshot rang throughout the room as a spray of blood erupted from the Raider's head. The child screamed and Zoe leaped over the stairs and scooped the kid into her arms. Miraculously, he was unhurt. She tried to shield his eyes from the mess of blood that was the remains of the Raider's head.

"Kid alright?" MacCready's voice sounded from below.

"Yes," Zoe said in relief, "You didn't tell me that you had a clear shot."

"I didn't up until that point," MacCready came up the stairs, carrying the rifle in one of his hands, "But I made the shot and took it."

"Is it over?" The boy asked in Zoe's arms. His eyes were still squeezed shut. Zoe's head tightened as her headache resurfaced. It only seemed to bother her when she was around kids.

"Yes, it's over," Zoe replied, "And we're taking you back to your settlement."

Zoe stood up and noticed MacCready's gaze settled on the child's face. A look unlike anything she had ever seen was written all over his face. The look had the effect of softening MacCready's hard features. She raised her eyebrows, "What?"

MacCready glanced at Zoe, "He just reminds me of Dun-someone that I used to know," he started walking toward the exit, "Come on, better get out of here before nightfall."

* * *

The fire crackled in the night as Zoe gazed at the stars. She found the Big Dipper and traced it back to Orion's Belt. MacCready and Zoe had set up camp near the farming settlement. She couldn't remember the last time she had sat around a fire. It had an oddly relaxing feel to it. She sighed, feeling her muscles uncoiling.

"Asleep already?"

Zoe glanced up and saw MacCready walking through the clearing carrying his rifle and a bag. He had an amused expression in his eyes and a light gait in his step. The firelight glanced off of his blonde hair and illuminated his figure.

"No, just looking at the stars," Zoe replied. A slow grin grew on her face, "How did it go?"

"They were overjoyed of course. Gave me twice the amount of caps that was promised," MacCready said as he set the bag down near the fire, "They were so overjoyed to see their son, in fact, that they gave us a little something extra."

MacCready reached in the bag and pulled out a large bottle. Zoe sat up and realized that it was a bottle of wine, real wine, that looked unopen since before the war. Her mouth fell open, "Is that from before the war?"

"Sure is," MacCready read the label and then turned to Zoe, "I gotta say I'm curious to sample wine that's not contaminated with radiation. We'll call it the deserved end to a successful mission."

He pulled out two glasses from within the bag and uncorked the bottle. The smell wafted over to Zoe and her mouth watered. She forgot how much she had missed wine. MacCready poured two glasses and handed one to Zoe.

She took the glass eagerly and looked over at MacCready. She suddenly felt underdressed in her flannel shirt, "Cheers."

She sipped the wine and suppressed a moan. It had aged perfectly and she was relieved to taste alcohol that wasn't completely disgusting. It was fabulous. She heard MacCready make a surprised noise, "This stuff is _good._ "

Zoe drained her glass and laughed, "Oh no, now I've given you a taste for the good stuff. You'll never be able to go back."

MacCready looked over at her and locked eyes. "I'm okay with that," he said, his expression completely serious.

Zoe had a sudden feeling that he wasn't talking about the wine. She flushed. Before she could say anything, MacCready had swiped her glass and was filling both of them with more wine.

She tried not to think about the hotel night a few weeks ago where she had completely broken down in front of MacCready. He had been so good that night comforting her that she had imagined that maybe they had materialized into something more. She could still remember his arms around her. But then morning came and MacCready hadn't acted any differently, if anything he was more reserved. Zoe had abandoned all hope with a twinge of disappointment. _Maybe I didn't feel anything at all._

"You did good today, Zoe," MacCready said, interrupting her thoughts.

"Thanks. But if anything, you were the real star of today. That shot you took was perfect," Zoe drained her second glass and noticed the heaviness she felt in her head. For once, it wasn't an oncoming headache. _I'm just tipsy._ She giggled to herself.

"You did so well with that kid today…" MacCready trailed off. He propped himself on one arm and looked out into the distance, "It reminded me of…of Duncan."

"Who's Duncan?" Zoe asked.

"I have a…a son named Duncan, in the Capital Wasteland," MacCready turned to her, "My wife, Lucy, was killed in front of me some years ago leaving me alone with Duncan. Everything was great until he started to get sick…I left the Capital to come up here and work to try and find a cure and make some money. I miss him." MacCready's face was solemn and steady throughout all of this, as if it was a constant burden on his mind.

Zoe didn't say anything for a while, watching MacCready. Then after a while, "I'm so sorry, MacCready."

"Don't be sorry," MacCready turned to her, "It's not your fault- anyway I didn't tell you for you to pity me or anything. I told you because…"

Zoe looked at MacCready. The fire cracked loudly, "Yes?"

"I've been meaning to thank you for letting me fight with you, for staying with me and saving my life more times than I can count. I always pay my depts," MacCready reached his hand into his pocket and pulled out something, "I have this for you. It's a little carved wooden soldier. Now I know it's a strange reward for risking your life for me but this one's special…it means a lot to me. I needed you to know about Duncan and Lucy because I feel that I can trust you with my life, Zoe. And I don't say that about just anyone."

Zoe took the toy soldier into her hands. It was carved beautifully, the paint chipping. She gripped it in her hand and looked at it. She felt tears well to her eyes but swallowed them back. "Thank you so much, MacCready."

MacCready said nothing as she placed the soldier in her breast pocket. He leaned back on one arm, "I know I risked a lot spilling my past like that but…I just want you to know that for once in my life, everything is going right." He looked into her eyes, "Everything is right."

Zoe didn't move. She gazed into MacCready's brown eyes and searched his face. She realized that they were both very tipsy right now but…She couldn't help the butterflies in her stomach. She had been feeling this for a while but…One thing nagged at her, "MacCready…Why were you so cold to me after that hotel night?"

MacCready sighed and looked away, "I…I'm ashamed about that, Zoe, I'm sorry. I didn't know how you felt about me, I thought that it was only one-sided, but I realized after that night that you cared about me too and…I got scared. Scared of commitment. Scared that you would run after you heard about my past. So I figured that I would make you not care about me anymore, to minimize the chance of you running away later. I realize now that I was wrong." He looked at her, "I'm not scared anymore."

Zoe smiled, relief washing over her, and she closed her eyes. _So it was real after all._

When she opened her eyes a second later, MacCready was closer to her. He looked at her then, all at once, he kissed her.

Zoe welcomed the kiss with a satisfied breath. _Finally._ MacCready chuckled a bit, probably thinking the same thing and parted her mouth under his. It seemed to go on for an eternity but, man, Zoe couldn't remember a kiss this good. He took her face into his hands and drew her closer until their bodies pressed together under the night sky.

* * *

MacCready knocked on the door to Valentine's office as the sun burned overhead in the afternoon sky. They had been on foot for a few hours from their camp before reentering Diamond City. "Anyone in there?" MacCready called, knocking on the door again.

"Maybe they're not open yet…?" Zoe asked, noticing now how early the day was. Only a handful of merchants were at their stalls. She hadn't realized her haste to see Valentine until now.

"Hmm…So we've got some time to kill," MacCready grinned. He pulled her to him by the waist and leaned in to kiss her as the door opened.

"Oh! Sorry to interrupt," Zoe jumped back at Ellie's voice, "A little late getting to the door, I apologize, we just opened!"

MacCready burned red, much to Zoe's amusement. "It's no problem," he mumbled as they shuffled inside. Zoe shot him a grin behind Ellie's back, making him blush even more.

Valentine sat behind his desk, his robotic hand moving a lit cigarette between his mouth and the ashtray. His yellow eyes looked up as they came in, "Take it you solved the case? Sit down."

"The kid's back with his parents, not harmed," MacCready said as they sat down.

"That's good…Thanks for helping out with the casework again," Valentine's eyes flittered over to Zoe, "But I'm more interested in your potential personal case. Zoe?"

MacCready shot a glance toward Zoe. She realized she hadn't told him.

"Mr. Valentine…"

"Nick," he interrupted, "You can call me Nick."

"Nick, I told you that you would think I was crazy." Zoe said.

"And I said to try me," Nick grinned, "Lay it on me."

Zoe recounted the entire story to Valentine, careful not to leave anything out, including her nightmares. She told him about Codsworth and about her most recent memories. Throughout her story, Valentine never interrupted her and his yellow eyes never left hers. At the end, Valentine stood up and paced slowly around his desk.

"Hmm…This is a tough one alright, Zoe. Lost memories are hard if not impossible to replace, and there's not a medical procedure out there I know that can treat that. If it was a simple concussion, it would have gone away by now. Which leaves me to believe that it's permanent," Zoe's face fell, "But hold on. The most obvious quick solution also seems to be the one that you've overlooked the most. Well, you and MacCready. Can you think of what that is?"

Zoe frowned, "No, I have no idea."

Valentine braced his hands on his desk and leaned forward. " _Think_. Remember when you were in Goodneighbor. Remember seeing an advertisement on a building near Hotel Rexford? Big, fancy building?"

MacCready gasped, "I can't believe I hadn't thought of that before."

Zoe was slightly annoyed now, "What am I missing?"

"Why, the only place in the Commonwealth where you can relive your memories for a slight cost," Valentine said, "The Memory Den."


	8. Chapter 8 - Memory Den

_The moment we've all been waiting for! I kept on-canon through a lot of the Memory Den dialogue but, other than that, this part sticks with the main theme of Memory Loss. Enjoy :)_

* * *

Valentine rolled up his white sleeves, lit a cigarette, and motioned toward the building that they just had arrived in front of, "Well gang, this is the place."

Zoe looked up at the old theatre that had been newly converted into the Memory Den. A neon red sign shone in the darkness of Goodneighbor, flickering occasionally. She could hear the noise of the Third Rail bar behind her as the door opened and then shut. _I was just here, in Goodneighbor_ , she thought, _And now I'm back, ready to find out the truth._

Zoe had not slept since the thought of the Memory Den first left Valentine's lips a week earlier. Before that, she had been begging for an end to the headaches and constant nightmares that would wake her and MacCready in the middle of the night. But, for some reason, reliving her forgotten memories was giving her anxiety that she hadn't experienced since shortly after she left Vault 111. Suddenly, she was more jumpy and picked up a habit of pacing. She had a short temper lately, especially with MacCready, which left her apologetic and depressed in a moment of need. It was almost as if her memory was trying to fight back. As if, her past events did not want to be relived.

"Can we hurry this up please and get inside?" MacCready said, "We shouldn't standing out in the open."

Zoe snapped out of her trance and noticed the pale tinge that had been added to MacCready's face since entering Goodneighbor and remembered that he was still hunted by the Gunners. She remembered how, a few nights ago, MacCready had woken up screaming in a cold sweat from a nightmare about the mob. It had taken him hours to fall asleep and he hadn't looked the same since. _He dreads coming back here._

Valentine took a puff on his cigarette and looked at her, "You ready sweetheart?"

Zoe steeled her eyes and tried to stop the shaking in her hand. She nodded.

"Well then, let's go." Valentine opened the door.

* * *

"Well, well. Mister Valentine. I thought you had forgotten about little ole' me."

If Valentine had been human, Zoe was sure that she would have seen a flush of red in his robotic cheeks. Then again, that could be the red hue of the plush room. The Memory den was furnished like a 1940s speakeasy, with vodka bottles littering the floor and soft candles illuminating the plush red carpets and fainting chairs. An old chandelier hung from the ceiling. The only thing out of place was the strange seating pods equipped with glass panels and more wires than Zoe thought were in the whole Commonwealth. _This must be what they use for reliving memories._ The den gave off a relaxing tone and Zoe could feel her shoulders steadily relaxing. A blonde woman dressed in fur and knee-high boots lay draped lazily against a plush red chair. Her dress outlined the shape of her curvy body, rare in the Commonwealth. Valentine gave a nervous chuckle, "I may have walked out of the den, Irma, but I'd never walk out on you."

Irma chuckled lightly, obviously pleased by Valentine's comment. She raised a glowing cigarette, carefully placing it between her red tinted lips. Her eyes navigated over to Zoe and MacCready, "So, did you bring another girl over to make me jealous Mister Valentine?"

"Not today Irma," Valentine lowered himself into a plush red seat, "We're here on business. This gal needs help recovering her lost memories."

"Well then, dear, you've come to the right place," Irma tapped the cigarette into the ashtray, "But who is this young man?"

"I'm here for morale support." MacCready said, looking almost comically out of place in the room. The tense atmosphere that he gave off was almost overwhelming and his shoulders periodically tensed under his marksman jacket. Zoe laid a hand on his and was pleased to see him relax. He gave her a grateful smile, "Although, admittedly, I'm just as nervous as her."

"Well, honey," Irma said, addressing Zoe, "If anyone needs the Memory Den, it's you. Sit down in a Memory Lounger and I'll go get Doctor Amari." She stood up and walked out the door, giving Valentine a wink on the way out.

Zoe didn't realize how nervous she was until she stepped toward the Memory Lounger and found that her legs wouldn't move. She felt her stomach churn and her head yelped in protest. She felt her face go pale as she remembered her nightmares. _What if I have to relive those?_

"Hey now," MacCready's voice snapped her out of her trance. He placed his palm gently on her back and guided her toward the lounger, "Don't be nervous, I'll be with you the whole time. Nothing's going to happen as long as I'm here with you." He squeezed her hand and lowered Zoe into the Memory Lounger.

Zoe smiled weakly and felt her legs turn to jelly as she seated herself in the chair. Valentine came over and grabbed her shoulder, "You ready to get some answers, kid?"

Zoe shakily nodded, her head spinning in circles. She didn't realize how hard she had relied on her memory block these past few months and was terrified to remove that block. She couldn't shake the fact that her brain was blocking something awful, _What if it's better if I don't remember, if I have a new start in this new world? What if I'm not meant to know?_

Too late, Irma and a woman in a lab coat walked into the lounge. She felt MacCready's hand squeeze her leg and glanced over at him. His eyes had never left hers. _I should have told him that I loved him_ , she thought fleetingly. But why was she thinking that? She would be able to tell him after. Right?

"Hello, I'm Doctor Amari and I'll be guiding you through your memories today," the woman in the lab coat said, "Now, Irma tells me that you have suffered from memory loss, is that correct?"

"Yes," Zoe said. Her mouth was dry, "A piece of ceiling tile hit my head and I lost most of my memories."

"No problem at all," Doctor Amari pressed a few buttons near a terminal and Zoe was shocked to see the glass of the pod slowly lower down, "We'll start your memory experience in about one minute. Have you been experiencing headaches?"

"Yes." Her voice came out almost in a whisper. She tried to find MacCready's eyes.

"Headaches are common among memory loss victims. Those should go away once we're finished. Now, before we start, I should warn you that the first time delving into memories can be a traumatic experience so brace yourself for any reaction," Doctor Amari must have pressed another button because the screen in the pod activated, the words _Stand By_ in fuzzy letters, "The strongest memories involve love and family so we'll start there. Are you ready?"

 _This is happening too fast_ , Zoe thought, but she nodded anyway.

"Alright, scanning the hippocampus…I've found something! Very recent. The sync with the temporal lobes is strong."

She heard Irma's voice distantly, "Lift the curtain honey, it's show time."

She found MacCready's eyes at the last second.

Then the world went black.

* * *

"Here you are, your memory," Doctor Amari's voice filtered through her head, "Just relax. We'll be monitoring your vitals on this end."

Zoe's vision slowly started to become clearer. She realized that she was standing on a metallic floor in a cold and damp room. She rose unsteadily on her feet and looked around. Surrounding her were giant mechanical pods and artificial lights. She went up to one and saw a middle-aged woman standing with her eyes shut, as if she were sleeping. Zoe realized these were cryogenic pods. Hesitantly, she touched one and found that it was freezing to the touch.

A mechanical voice startled her, making her jump, "Manual override initiated. Cryogenic stasis suspended." Subconsciously, she recognized this voice as the Vault Computer.

Her vision cleared even further and she noticed three figures near the terminal at the far end of the room. Two of the figures were in white hazmat suits and one bald man had his back to her.

"Vault computers are still working. That's good. Checking through the logs. Hopefully it's all…"

"Just…Find it," the bald man interrupted. Zoe noticed his plated armor and a cold chill went through her body.

"Pod C6. Down the hall near the end," one of the hazmat suits said.

Zoe turned to her right and saw the pod labeled C6 in yellow lettering. Curious, she looked inside.

 _Nate._

Inside the pod, a man with jet black hair stood cradling a baby.

All at once Zoe's memories came back. It was like she hadn't forgotten them at all. She remembered her life with Nate, their marriage, the birth of their son. She remembered everything. _Nate is here, and he's alive_ , Zoe thought, overjoyed. A tear leaked from her eye and she pressed her palms against the pod glass.

 _And Shaun is here too!_ Her joy leaped to new limits as she saw her baby cradled in her husband's arms. She couldn't stop the tears from falling now. She was overjoyed to see them.

Zoe turned around and did a double-take as she saw herself in a cryogenic pod. Her past self seemed to be rousing herself from a deep sleep, moving her limbs stiffly. Nate was waking up slowly too, the baby cradled to his breast.

She noticed the three people were walking slowly toward her husband's pod now. A flash of worry went through her mind. _Why are they walking to his pod?_

The woman in the hazmat seemed to be walking slowly, as if dreading something. The bald man with the horrendous scar scoffed his impatience and she sped up. Zoe felt the first shot of dread seep down her spine.

"This is the one. Here." The hazmat suit said.

The man with the scar had drawn his gun from his holster. Zoe felt her knees go weak, as if she was watching everything in slow motion.

"No," Zoe whispered.

"Open it," the man said. His eyes were cold and dark.

The cryogenic pod opened and she saw Nate open his eyes wide. He coughed and Shaun slowly started crying.

Zoe stumbled forward and tried to touch his face, tried to touch anything. Her hand passed right through his skin. A sob formed in her throat and she stumbled back again.

"Is it over? Are we okay?" Nate said, coughing once more. His eyes passed right over her, like she wasn't even there.

"Nate I'm right here!" Zoe screamed, "Nate, please!"

The scene played on, completely undisturbed by her cries.

"Almost," the man with the gun said, "Everything is going to be fine."

Nate had not noticed the gun yet. The woman in the hazmat suit reached forward toward Shaun, "Come here baby," she cooed.

She saw Nate's eyes focus on the gun now and he panicked, yanking Shaun pack into the pod against his body, "No, I've got him."

The man with the scar raised his gun with a steady hand, "Let the boy go. I'm only gonna tell you once." His cold eyes held no emotion as he raised his gun against a defenseless man and his infant son.

The hazmat woman lunged forward and wrapped her hands around Shaun. She tried to yank him out of Nate's hands but he struggled back, "I'm not giving you Shaun!" He cried desperately.

Time seemed to slow as she saw the gun go off and Nate's head whip back. A bullet casing bounced off of the metallic floor.

Zoe screamed. Time seemed to stop. She saw Nate's expression and the blood staining the back of the pod. She collapsed to her knees.

She thought she could distantly hear Doctor Amari's voice say "Oh my God" but she couldn't hear anything over her screams.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw the hazmat woman take the now-crying Shaun out of her husband's dead arms into hers. Zoe flew into a rage and leapt to her feet, trying to tackle the woman. She passed right through her.

"God, no!" Zoe screamed, again trying to throw herself between the hazmat woman and the vault door, "You won't take Shaun! You won't take my baby!"

She tried to grab the man with the scar but again her hands passed right through. She punched, slapped, and twisted the air containing the man who had just murdered her husband, "God damn it! I'm going to kill you! I'm going to kill you!" She tried to burn the image of the man with the scar into her mind. _I will never forget you for as long as I live._

Again and again she passed through the figures in a blind rage until, suddenly, the world went black again.

* * *

Unlike going into her memories, her vision opened with a sharp snap into the interior of the memory lounger. Zoe leaned forward, gasping. The pod glass opened and she felt hands on her.

"Zoe, are you okay?" Valentines voice said distantly.

"Easy now, take deep breaths," Irma said.

Zoe looked up and noticed the shocked expression in their faces. She noticed the monitor in the room and knew that they had watched every second of her memory. MacCready sat stunned in his chair, his mouth slightly open and staring at her.

Zoe felt the weight of Nate's death directly, but she knew that she had been carrying it around all these months. Subconsciously, her brain had known that her husband was dead. _Only I didn't know it. I was such a fool._

Zoe felt strangely numb as Valentine, Irma, and Doctor Amari guided her from the pod down onto a couch. She did not protest when the offered her food and water. She did not respond to many of their questions either, usually giving only one worded answers. Ironically, her headache was completely gone and she suspected that it would never come back again. The horror which her brain had tried so desperately to block out was now a reality.

"…Need time to rest, Zoe."

Zoe looked up, "What?"

"I said that you need time to rest," Valentine said.

"Oh yes. Rest. I think I'll do that." She had no intention of doing so.

"Why don't I leave you here on your own for a bit?"

Zoe nodded dimly, "MacCready, please stay."

Slowly, everyone filtered out of the room until it was just MacCready and Zoe. MacCready stood with his back to her, looking out the window. It had started to rain while she was in the memory lounger and bloated raindrops littered the den window. _How appropriate._

Zoe sat unmoving on the couch, waiting for MacCready to speak. Whole minutes passed with MacCready unmoving against the window pane.

"Speak to me, damnit."

MacCready turned around slowly to face Zoe. The glow from Goodneighbor lit up the creases in MacCready's face and Zoe remembered meeting him for the first time, "A husband, Zoe, and a son?"

"Yes."

MacCready shook his head slowly and leaned his forehead against his hand, "If I had known…If I had any idea…"

"If you had known what, MacCready?"

"If I have known what you had been through, I never would have…I never would have instigated…" MacCready spun around quickly and locked eyes with Zoe, "Zoe, your husband was freshly murdered and I threw myself on you. I…I fell in love with you and you have a _whole family_ that I didn't know about. And it's _my fault_."

Zoe said nothing and watched MacCready pace. Back and forth his feet traced patterns across the red carpet. The echo of the gunshot kept replaying through Zoe's mind. She tried to close her eyes. _Am I going insane?_

The sound of MacCready's footsteps combined with the sound of the replaying gunshot was reaching a crescendo in Zoe's mind, "MacCready, stop."

MacCready stopped and turned to Zoe. He looked at her steadily and said nothing.

Zoe tried to formulate the words in her mind, "MacCready, listen to me," she tried to pronounce her words clearly and distinctly, without thinking about them, "I need you to stay away from me. Far away from me. I need you to forget me, as if we never met. Go back to Diamond City, hell go back to Goodneighbor. Anywhere, as long as I'm not there." She gritted her teeth, "I could care less where you go from here, just stay away from me."

She felt the air in the room turn cold and she felt her heart skip a beat. _Don't look at him_. She did anyway and instantly regretted it.

MacCready's face had gone sheet white and his hands were trembling. His brown eyes were wide, as if he couldn't believe what she was saying.

A wave of dread washed over Zoe but she forced her to keep her expression numb, "I don't want you near me, I don't want to see you ever again. If you see me in the Commonwealth, turn the other direction. If I hear that you're asking around for me, I will vanish and pretend that you never existed."

Zoe looked steadily at the wall. Finally, MacCready's spoke up. His voice was strong and surprisingly steady, "Is that what you really want?"

Zoe gritted her teeth. _No! No! No!_

"Yes."

Zoe didn't look up as the door shut behind MacCready.

A sob escaped her throat before Zoe clenched her fists and silenced it in her throat. She closed her eyes and pictured the image of her son stolen before her eyes. _Shaun._

Zoe had known the minute she stepped out of the memory lounger what she had to do. She had to find Shaun, no matter the cost. And she had to do it fast, because she had already wasted so much precious time. _Wasted so much time with MacCready._

The thought of MacCready threatened another sob in the back of her throat. She was in love with MacCready, no doubt, but she had distracted herself for too long. She despaired to think of all the precious time she had wasted messing around with MacCready while her infant son lay in the arms of a kidnapper. All she had to do was think of Nate shot dead in Vault 111 and the thought of MacCready was overshadowed by the will to find her son. Zoe stood up and clenched her fist.

 _Shaun, baby, I'm going to find you. No matter the cost._

* * *

 **Two days later**

The dirt of the Commonwealth was harder after the bombs dropped. It took two hours to dig a hole deep enough for Nate to fit, and even then it was more shallow than she would have liked.

"Need help there, kid?"

Valentine stood off to the side, a lit cigarette between his lips. Pity and concern was written over his face. Even after only two days, Zoe was learning to ignore the looks of pity that came after people learned about her husband and son. As for the last two hours, Zoe denied his help yet again. This was something that she had to do on her own.

After the dirt had been reset and Nate peacefully rested beneath the ground, Zoe took off her wedding ring and placed it on the ground over his grave. She did not cry as she looked at the make-shift grave, rather, she felt a new surge of tired determination wash over her. The sun was beginning to set over the Commonwealth as Zoe stood up and looked at her husband's grave for the last time.

"I'm going to find our son," Zoe said, a single tear running down her cheek, "I swear it, even if it's the last thing that I ever do."


End file.
